Why a mother

In the spirit of reflecting in the why of many things it seems only fit than one should wonder why in the world we decided to become mothers in the first place. The world offers so many options to women, some better than others, but among all of those options so many of us decide that against all odds and criticism we wanted to be mothers. After the birth of my son I had several friends come by and one of them congratulated me for not having a colicky child because her first born had been so colicky she had even wondered why in the world anyone wanted to be a mother. This comment hit me right between the eyes because I had never answered that question, why did I want to be a mother? That question haunted me for quite some time, and brought me to consider so many options. It was especially hard to figure out why when my little one was waking me up every 2 hours, when everything seemed to go wrong in the morning, when I didn’t even have time to eat, and I found myself so stressed I couldn’t even nap…again why did I want to be a mother? The answer came as I started considering my own mom. We as children have a talent for finding and seeing the mistakes they made with us, and believe me my mom made plenty of mistakes, but I realized that it what had made an impact on me were not the times when she was "perfect" but when she was trying. I had several memories come to mind as I remembered my mother hand washing my clothes because the washer had broken down (yet again), of several times when she faithfully took me to the hospital at 3am in the morning because my fever would not come down, the many times when I would find my clothes neatly stacked on my bed smelling “like mom,” the many school mornings when she tried to do my hair in a really cute way even though she struggled with the task, the first time she listened as I told her about my broken heart over a boy, and the many times she tried to understand me as a bit of a rebellious teenager. Yes there plenty of mistakes but in these memories I recognized how she made me feel when I was mothered by her. I wanted to not only feel that immense love only a mother recognizes but to have someone else feel that love. I wanted to be a mother because I wanted to create those priceless memories regardless of how hard it might be. And it is hard, many times I have told my sweet husband that as a family therapist it is easier to see clients for 10 hours straight than to be a mom. Our job is truly wonderful as it goes beyond the present time it echoes in the future of our little ones, just as I experienced remembering my own mom. I know that my mom could have chosen to be many things in life, easier things, but it is among those memories that I realize that she chose to be a mom, she chose to be my mom. That is what I want my children to remember, I want them to know that among many options mommy had I chose them, I chose to mother them, I chose to create those memories, I chose to be their mother. Mom, thank you for making me realize why I wanted and want to be a mother.