A lighter update

Well most of my posts have been long, time consuming reflections on my never-ending list of things I continue to learn as a mother. I decided to take a break from that in this post and simply give an update. Things have been very good, crazy, but good. Yes, life is filled with challenges and laughter brought courtesy of little Alex. It seems that from the moment he turned 4 months or so time has decided to fly, and now today he turns 7 months! What the! How did that happen?! Didn't we just bring you home from the hospital? Anyway, a lot has changed for sure, he's way too independent - in his own cute way - and slowly I start seeing more of a soon-to-be toddler instead of a baby. Brian finally finished moving buildings at the end of last month, after a July full of work and plenty of stress - thank goodness he handled it pretty well! Last month I was able to go to Mexico for a week or so. It was GREAT! Gosh I had completely forgotten how much I miss my aunt's cooking, the culture, my friends, and the overall sense of feeling home. Don't get me wrong, my home is where Brian and Alex are, but for some reason being in my parent's place where I spent so many years and in my beautiful country, home has never felt so right a word to describe it. My mom and aunt made sure I was spoiled! It felt so nice to be pampered every day, and have someone you trust take care of Alex while you take your time to take a shower - all moms out there know what I mean! I was able to see my high-school friends, one word: SURREAL. It had been easy 5 or 6 years since I had last seen them, and it was so amazing to see that even though everything has changed, it felt as though I had been away for just a bit and our conversations were easy, and goodness so much fun! Last time I saw them we were teenagers, and now here we were having dinner just talking but now as adults laughing at our embarrassing high school moments. It was great! I was also able to see my grandma and it was the first time Alex met her (great grandma for him!). It was a special experience to see her face of happiness, and experience the joy she has in her posterity. As for me, I'm still working on self-care. Writing this blog is actually a way for me to relax and just let my thoughts flow. The good thing for me is that Alex is finally taking naps again and sometimes they last for 2 hours - Hallelujah! I thought this day would NEVER come haha So I have time to read, exercise, take my time to get ready, and once in a while write a post. It's nice for sure! I still have a lot to learn and I'm working in not feeling guilty when I spend time for myself, but I have realized - albeit slowly- that for me to be a good mom I need to take care of the woman that I am. Brian has helped me very much in slowly realizing this, so I'm grateful for his patience. Oh yes, Brian's birthday is this Saturday so I have some things planned, it should be fun! It's amazing that he's turning 29, not because he's old, but because I met him when he had just turned 24. Yes time goes by far too quickly, and I'm just glad that I have been able to spend so much time with him, and that now here we are five almost six years later with no regrets and simply looking forward. It's exciting and scary. But even so, I'm glad we have plenty of laughter as a healing balm. And here's why:

And yes, he placed the burp cloth on his head by himself! Have a great Thursday!

The hardest most wonderful job

I have been thinking long and hard about this post. Many friends have asked me how it feels to be a mother, without a moment hesitation I answer that it is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do but also the most wonderful. I guess that is why I like the P&G Olympics commercial that states that sometimes the hardest job is the best job talking about mothers, and I completely agree. Some have followed up and asked me why it has been the hardest thing, I guess this post is an answer to them - and also a time for me to ponder about this. I guess I should start with a personal experience on the day Alex was born. I remember being in my room waiting for the nurses to bring Alex and just feeling exhausted. Between all the drugs they had given me for the c-section, going through surgery, and waking up before 5am to head to the hospital I was about delirious. I remember when the nurse finally brought him so I could start nursing him, I held that tiny precious baby in my arms and despite all the exhaustion I was experiencing I felt powerful, I felt strong, I felt empowered in a way I hadn't felt before. It was definitely a tender mercy from the Lord to allow me to feel that as I have looked back upon that feeling when I have been forced to my knees sobbing because I feel weak and unable to measure up to the task. In essence that is motherhood for me, a contradiction between feeling so powerful at times, but for the most part a job that constantly keeps you on your knees praying for the Lord to help you. I believe it is the hardest because motherhood implies sacrifice. Now, I thought I knew what sacrifice meant until I became a mother and realized how selfish I really was. As a mother I have sacrificed my energy, my sleep, my time, my career, and sometimes my sanity to take care of little Alex. It requires every ounce of my physical, emotional, and mental well-being to finish up a day. When he was younger it was quite the achievement when I had managed to take a shower and have lunch all on the same day! Motherhood is hard because sometimes even though I feel like I prepared like crazy - don't ask me how many books I've read- I just flat out don't know what to do to help my baby. In most of these cases you have to play detective in trying to figure it out, and sometimes despite your most diligent efforts you're still measuring short. Now, that is a hard reality to grasp and to accept, specially for someone who is trying so hard to be a good mom, but sometimes that is the way it is and you have learn to feel satisfied knowing that you're doing your best - I guess that is why I've said that motherhood is a state of perpetual worry. Motherhood is the hardest because I have never felt so overwhelmed with any responsibility placed upon my shoulders. I feel everyday how Alex completely and absolutely depends on me alone to simply survive. I alone feed him, make sure he naps, change his diaper multiple times a day, play with him, sing to him, read to him, comfort him who knows how many times during the day when he cries in a never-ending cycle during the day - I will admit Brian helps me TREMENDOUSLY when he gets home. I have found little Alex at his young 6 months watching me and trying to imitate what I do. I consider that a big responsibility for me to be a good example. And all of these things on top of I don't know how many hours of lost sleep and meals eaten in less 2 minutes. Being a mother is hard. But because - not despite- all of this motherhood is the most wonderful job. I know of no most fulfilling feeling than taking your baby with the pediatrician and seeing how much he has grown, watching your baby master rolling over, having your heart melt everytime he smiles at you, feeling a love and a tenderness that you didn't know it was possible to experience, knowing that when he looks at you he sees the source of comfort, knowing that there is no place like your arms, seeing how your baby loves your singing although you are no American Idol, seeing how he melts when you give him a massage, seeing yourself in your baby. All these things plus many more make motherhood wonderful and challenging, indeed the best job. As I finish writing this post I have Alex sitting by my side looking intently at my fingers typing away. There is no question I feel weak and powerful all at the same time, it makes sense as I truly have come to believe that one is always tallest when we are on our knees.