Just sit with it

It is human nature to try to avoid pain, suffering and any other uncomfortable emotion....at all costs. Sometimes the very thing we're trying to avoid gets worse because we keep obsessing about it - try not to be anxious while thinking about it can only increase more anxiousness. Sometimes the way we "deal" with it turns out problematic like overeating, or addictions here and there. Regardless of the way, most people just hate feeling yucky, and having people you love feel yucky. I'm no exception. For the most part, most moms will do anything to keep their child from crying. It's like someone pushes the panic button and a mom will move light speed with different distractions until the child is smiling again. Pretty exhausting I would say.

I frequently find the irony in what I know is the right response, what I usually tell my clients to do, and what I actually do. You see I will usually tell my clients to simply "sit" with the emotion, no amount of anxiousness, anger, or sadness has ever killed anyone...although it can certainly feel like it. Instead of immediately running away from the emotion I ask them to embrace it, get acquainted with it, because only then can you deal with it appropriately. Easier said than done. Lately, I have decided to sit with it a lot more when it comes to my role as a mom. Especially during those days when Alex complains about everything under the sun. I find it that if I simply sit with it - frustration, exhaustion, annoyance etc. - the emotion goes away much quicker and I find myself with a clearer head to deal with the situation.

Sounds masochistic but it really isn't. Sitting with an unpleasant emotion and acknowledging that like any other emotion it will eventually go away is a very liberating feeling. You're not running away anymore you're facing it headstrong. I have found that sitting with it also applies with the good emotions. The busyness of life sometimes doesn't even allow for us to soak on good  moments...so we're literally always running towards something or away from it. Next time you find yourself feeling good or witnessing something splendid sit with it, embrace it, let it soak. Next time you find yourself feeling yucky sit with it, embrace it, let it soak.

Through his eyes

Last week we got out first taste of Spring here in Utah, it was wonderful! The sun was out and I decided it was time to take Alex to the park since he is so fond of walking and trying new things. We started with the swings, and at first Alex was looking right at me all smiles and enjoying the new sensation of going up and down.

Then this cute girl - albeit older than him - got on the swing right next to him. Needless to say it was impossible to catch his attention enough to get a decent picture. One of many experiences in which the flirt in him defeats his fascination with mommy.

 Once he was done with the swings I simply let him walk around the grass. It was a warm day but it was windy, and usually I don't like wind, but this time it was different. Alex was running around stopping to see the grass, and the leaves...he would analyze each thing meticulously with his tiny fingers (try to eat some of it and then realizing it doesn't taste good), smile back at me and continue running. As we was doing all of this I was just looking at his hair moved by the wind and I couldn't help but see things through his eyes. Everything is new, everything is exciting, everything is beautiful. So I stopped to notice things more.

I noticed that the grass wasn't fully green yet because of the Winter that we're slowly leaving behind, the leaves were brown but most has kept their beautiful shapes, the grass wasn't wet which made it easier for us to roll on the grass without fear of getting wet, the mountains on the background are starting to show signs of green with still some snow on the top, and although the smell of summer is still not there you can sense it approaching. I stopped to notice all of these things, and then I took this picture.

Look at that hair! I was thinking that while all of God's creations were indeed beautiful, and it took my little boy's demeanor to make me stop and notice...no creation is more beautiful than him. I couldn't help but have a sense of awe and wonder watching him run around with that beautiful hair, with his arms on his side for balance and that smile that can melt anybody's heart. My son is my most beautiful creation. I'm reminded of that everyday, and my only hope is that one day he will see himself through my eyes as he constantly teaches me to experience the world through his.

Parenting: A mirror

Some people love mirrors and some absolutely hate them. As for me, I find them interesting and sometimes captivating, not necessarily because of my reflection but because I'm seeing what other people see. I truly believe that one of the main reasons we are social beings is because through our relationships with others we learn more about ourselves, we see bits and pieces of who we are...just like mirrors. If I have to be completely honest the first big mirror in my life was Brian, not because my own family wasn't a mirror but because I actually stopped and looked at the reflection with him. I learned so much about myself first through our dating years and now through our marriage and becoming parents. I believe marriage was a warm up for the new experience of having the mirror with you all of the time. Yep, I'm talking about my little boy. You see we are not with our spouse all of the time, but that is soo not the case with children. I saw a joke on facebook that said something like "you can't hide they will find you" while showing a little hand underneath the door while mommy was trying to go to the bathroom! Hilarious and true! We spend literally all day with our little ones, with the exception of naps! And while most of the time we laugh and just go crazy over how cute and funny they are, sometimes well we're going crazy because they are not!

My point with this is this: during both funny and driving crazy periods Alex has been a mirror of my qualities. Let me explain, I had always known I was slightly - or a lot - OCD but I hadn't realized just how much until he made his first mess with the ultimate stain veggie of beets and I had to willingly restrain myself from cleaning everything with Clorox!

I knew patience was not my virtue, but I didn't know just how impatient I was until Alex first started eating table foods and it would take him 5 minutes to chew a little piece of bread!

And so many more things that left me feeling like I really needed to work on so many things. Nevertheless, the opposite is also true - which can be harder to see but are nonetheless as true as our flaws. I knew I was a hardworker but not so much until I found myself working nonstop to make Alex his own pureed baby food day after day.

I knew I was loving but I didn't feel it as much as when he first fell asleep on my shoulder as a newborn.

I knew I was persistent and determined but I didn't know how much until Alex started crying nonstop before nursing because he had what was a milk allergy that I didn't know about, but I persisted until I figured it out and managed to nurse him for over a year.

Parenting is a big mirror we see our flaws but we also see our virtues. Alex has shown me that I really need to work on my patience, but he has also shown me how much of a caring determined mom I can be. For all of these things, my Alex mirror has become special even cherished because if I want to know where I am, I don't have to take a test, I just have to look at him.