My problem with Happily ever after

A few days ago I read this article about marriage that made me think about Disney movies haha...Yep in particular about my favorite Disney movie Pocahontas...but more on that later. One paragraph in the article said this:

"I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life—that somehow it’s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. In this light, contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow.
When we’re willing to see it this way, then the points of friction in our marriages quickly become gifts that consistently invite us into a more whole and fulfilling experience of life."

I suddenly understood why I struggle everytime a Disney movie ends, they always end right at their wedding....and I'm left feeling like, they're missing the best part, the actual real part, the marriage!! (No wonder most of us feel cheated when we don't feel happy all the time in our marriage, but there's  no cheating just reality). So enters Pocahontas, I've always had a love/hate relationship with it. I hate the fact that she didn't go with John Smith but at the same time I love it. I love the fact that it feels more real,  and that her happily ever after looked well different, and that for once finding the right person is not the end of the story. Don't misunderstand me I deeply believe in happiness in marriage, I mean I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist haha.....self-evident I believe. But lately I have seen a ridiculous amount of patients who come after only a few months of marriage unhappy and dissatisfied. I seriously wonder what would happen if  people went into the marriage with the full expectation that it is going to be hard, and yes some days you won't be happy (because let's face it our pride sometimes trumps our love for our spouse) but that in the end true joy can be experienced, I wonder if they would even show up in my office at all. My guess is probably no, at least not because of that problem.

When I married Brian I think I had seen him in every way possible (another reason why I'm a big proponent of longer dating periods), and although I knew marriage was hard, I believe there came a point in our marriage when knowing was not enough I had to choose to love this imperfect person who is choosing to love imperfect me. You see Disney movies never show that moment, that moment when you choose to love when it is precisely hard to do so. Some of them just show the process of finding the person, which in my personal opinion is really not that hard as when you actually find it....that's when the real growth begins.

I love my dear husband, I love to be romantic with him, I love to laugh, to play like a kid, to cuddle, to be flirtatious and all of the other wonderful things that only happen with your best friend. But I'm more than convinced that none of those things would be as sweet and sacred to me if we didn't have the times when I have felt hurt, or when I have hurt him, when I refused to speak, or when we both have cried together.

So here's my proposition: make a Disney movie that starts after the honeymoon! And that might just help the upcoming generation understand how beautiful but hard it is to love someone and have that someone love you back.

Seemingly boring days

Sometimes as a mom I feel like a washer: wash, rinse, spin, repeat, wash, rinse, spin, repeat. Although I know that each day is different in its own way, last Friday I woke up with a sense of pure boredom. I felt bad feeling like this but I sort of knew how the day was going to play out with most of my time either chasing Alex, feeding him, changing him (clothes and the never ending task of diapers), nursing him, and putting him down for a nap and at night to sleep. I knew I didn't have the best of attitudes but I couldn't help feeling that all my days were sort of...the same. So I dragged myself out of bed with this nagging feeling, got Alex out his crib and started prepping his breakfast...here we go again I thought. After playing with Alex and making sure he didn't bring down the whole house it was time for his nap....Hallelujah I thought! After he was asleep I went to my room and started reading from a book sponsored by the website Power of Moms. As I said a few posts back I'm a declared nerd as I'm always reading several books at once. Brian has flat out said that the pile of books on my nightstand is nothing short of ridiculous haha I understand what he means...but I can't help myself.You see I have learned that Heavenly Father teaches me through the written word...I have gotten way more answers to my questions and concerns through reading than by any other means. Last Friday was not an exception.

I was reading the chapter on the Power of Optimism, and how important it is for the true enjoyment of motherhood and its whole package. Then, there it was a short essay on a mother's feelings about boredom which she described as "Motherhood Groundhog Day," which I couldn't help but chuckle at the oh so accurate description. In the midst of all of those feelings, she says she read a quote that said: "Always thank God for a normal, boring day." There it was, my answer once more printed on a page. I started thinking gosh, this is absolutely right because a normal, "boring" say means that everyday my son wakes up, every day he continues to grow and eat, everyday he's healthy and discovers the world by making a mess, I get to stay home and see him fall asleep, it means my body is healthy as I'm still able to nurse him. A normal, boring day is a blessing it means that I have so many things.

I get to see this at the end of every meal when I give him water and he gets so happy.

I get to see him bond with his dad after a simple dinner in the evening (I know this is delayed but this was such a beautiful moment between father and son watching the Christmas tree)

Yep mommy has been taking pics all along!

I get to see him grow and achieve another developmental milestone such as this the first time he stood without assistance

And while chasing him around is exhausting, I'm glad I get to see his hilarious personality while he plays (that is in fact a bottle of hand lotion in his mouth)

It's not always easy, but I'm grateful for seemingly boring days in which I wash, rinse, spin and repeat. I'm proud to say that I have come to find the joy in my own Mother Groundhog Days. Have a happy weekend!

Reminiscing: Alex's birth story

It seems only fit that today, Alex's 1st birthday I write about his birth story. I realized a couple of days ago that I never wrote his birth story, here that is, because after his birth the last thing on my mind was getting back to the world of blogging! But here it is, better late than never.

I just realized that I didn't document my pregnancy here either. But I won't bore you with all the details. In summary, the first trimester was absolutely miserable as I had the worst morning sickness. I lost almost 10 pounds, and for those who know me wondered where those 10lbs came from because I'm petite size - 100% Latina! Anyway, that went away around 14 weeks and the second trimester was heaven on earth! I was exercising, plenty of energy, eating again! And of course I started showing and feeling movement. Yep, I was one of those that showed of her pregnant belly proudly!

Here at 19 weeks

Here at 23 weeks

Third trimester arrived and I was still feeling good, granted more tired and sleeping was becoming more difficult, but I would say I was one happy pregnant lady.

About to pop at 37 weeks

Around week 35-36 or so, not long before the pic above was taken, Brian and I were told that little Alex was breech. His head resting on my left ribs and his body diagonal and that more than likely this would mean a c-section. I remember coming home and crying while Brian held me in his arms. There are few times when I have been more scared. Keep in mind that for the past months we had been to a birthing class and we had been preparing for a natural birth. A c-section was not in my plan. We tried few different things to help Alex turn but by the appointment of week 39 it was almost certain that a c-section was going to happen as he hadn't moved at all - the little stinker. To top all of this around the same I developed PUPPS. It's a pregnancy skin condition that can only be described as pure and absolute AGONY! I feel hesitant to describe the details but you can go look it up and then realize why some women want to be induced instead of having to endure another day with the pain and itching. Thank goodness as soon as he was born it went away completely. Anyway, so the last month of pregnancy was difficult to say the least.

They scheduled me for a c-section January 16th given that my due date was the 19th. We had to be at the hospital at 6am! I'm sooo not a morning person but at the same time I was glad it was early as they ask you to fast before the surgery. The day before Brian gave me a blessing as I was visibly nervous and scared about the whole thing.

We woke up at 5am getting the hospital bag and everything else we needed ready to leave and wow become parents! Brian held my hand the entire time we drove to the hospital when it was still pitch dark outside. He kept telling me that I could do this, and that everything was going to be ok. I knew that he was nervous too and was so grateful that he helped me stay sane through the whole process.

We got to the hospital and they immediately hooked me up and checked to make sure Alex was ok. I remember watching him just move around not knowing that in an hour or so he was going to come to this world.  The anesthesiologist came and gave me an epidural, which I have to say I hated the feeling of not being able to move my legs at all! Then, it was time. Brian dressed up to go to the surgery room and held my hand the entire time. Once they gave me more anesthesia, my body started shaking uncontrollably. It was partially the combination of nervousness and the meds going through my body. Brian held my hand and we both started crying, he started telling me to relax and think about our little boy, he asked me to think about his little hand, feet, and toes. As soon as he asked me to picture our baby boy I stopped shaking it was amazing! The anesthesiologist then told me they were about to start and if I could feel anything, I said I couldn't feel a thing...then he said "good because we started 5 minutes ago!" I just started laughing as I believe that helped me as well, he had a great sense of humor and I needed a dose of that during that time. Brian and I looked at each other for the rest of the time, and then the doctor told me I was going to feel pressure as they were about to take him out....it wasn't painful but I definitely felt it. And then the most beautiful sound a little sweet cry that lasted a total of 5 seconds haha....he was so mellow as a newborn. I just remember looking at Brian and both of us knowing that he was our son and we were parents! We both kept crying as it was a spiritual sacred moment for both of us. He went to see that everything was ok, and then brought him to me. I can say that I only saw perfection! He was our angel and I knew it! It was such a relief to know that he was healthy and super alert. It was the most sacred hour of my life (maybe only equal to being sealed to Brian) and also the most surreal.

They took me to my room and I just remember feeling exhausted and kinda loopy from all the meds haha when they finally brought him back I felt a sense of completeness. I knew him and he knew me. I was a mom, his mom, and my life has forever changed since. Happy birthday my sweet boy! This year has been wonderful and I get to enjoy your sweet personality every single day! Thank you!

Bilingual schools: A semi-political post

I know that the title alone will drive some people away. Please no more politics! But since a blog is about a people's world and their opinion about things, politics will come out at some point. Believe me I have been avoiding political posts at all costs, specially since the elections and stuff but this particular topic is important to me. I like to know, understand, and be prepared. I'm an officially declared nerd in so many ways. I read a lot. And lately I have been reading books and research on bilingual schools or dual immersion programs. Before I start with my own opinion about the matter I find it only fair to explain my background.

Ever since I can remember I've attended a bilingual school. A bilingual school tends to teach 50% of all classes in the minority language of choice. In my case while in Mexico it was English and Spanish while in Brasil as the majority language was Portuguese. I have experienced first-hand learning a new language by being completely immersed in the culture. And yes, the first day I didn't understand a darn thing. Nevertheless, with incredible support from my parents I was able to learn Portuguese and do well in school. All the testing was done in Portuguese so there was no special accommodation on my behalf to teach and test in my native language that being Spanish. Some would think it was traumatizing, but it wasn't, I don't even remember how I learned Portuguese I just know that I did. 

Here celebrating the very famous Carnaval in Sao, Paulo!

My first Flamenco dress! Truly multicultural, started learning Flamenco in Brasil!

 When we returned back home to Mexico I was bilingual. I knew some words here and there in English but I definitely didn't speak it. I didn't start learning and studying formal English until I was nine when we came back from Brasil to Mexico. I will be forever grateful that my parents decided that learning English was imperative for us as so many doors opened to me because of that decision. Same rules applied, I was given tests and classes in English 50% of the day. All of my friends had the same level of understanding so it was a neat experience to share that learning process with them. Again, I don't remember at what point I became fluent but I do remember studying hard the tenses, and reading plenty of books. This trend continued until High School when I decided to enter the program where all of my classes were taught in English with the exception of 2 maybe 3.

In California at 17, realizing I was fluent by then

 

 

 

 

 

 

So of course by now you know that I love bilingual schools. I wouldn't be the person I am without them. That being said, I have to admit that the stance on education in the US sometimes baffles me. One of the first things that intrigues me is annoyance some people have on why all standardized tests are in English alone. This confuses me because when I was tested they didn't make any special accommodations for any student whose language was not the one in the test. When I was in Brasil testing was done in Portuguese of course. Being a therapist and doing what I do, I believe that there is a lot more to be said on the struggles of Latino students at school. A lot of it come right from inside their homes. And while some people fight that their testing should be done in Spanish I believe that if your goal is to help them become truly bilingual the testing will be done in English, and not because it is a better language but because children, especially young children, have the innate capacity to learn many languages. So there is no need to pick they can learn both, and since we live in a country in which everything is in English it is ridiculous to insinuate that children whose first language is not English shouldn't learn it. That being said, the other side of the coin is the complete fear some people have of kids learning a second language. Back home, all schools from Primary include at least an English class, and Bilingual schools are easily accessible. I even thought Brian was joking when he told me that in all his years of high school he was ever only taught present tense in Spanish. I couldn't believe it! There needs to be more awareness of the many many advantages of learning multiple languages. We know that when the time comes Alex will be placed in a bilingual school just by nature of the bicultural aspect at home. But if there is a day when he decides to learn another language, other than English and Spanish he will have very proud parents willing to support him all the way.

Thinking about what we want for our boy and how we are preparing to give that to him. I will be forever thankful for my parents who had the vision ever since I was a baby of teaching us the value of learning as much as we possibly could, of pushing us to do hard things - because let me tell you those first days of class in a different language were no piece of cake! I am and will always thank them for the education they gave me, and for placing me in the type of school where I could absorb as much as I could and now bring that to my own family. Mami, papi los quiero mucho! Mom, dad I love you so much!

My favorite pic from the good old days. I'm in my moms arms while offering my own to my dad taking the picture.

Bilingual/Bicultural

Here's the very promised picture of the painting we got at San Jacinto. It's a very typical painting called bodegon that depicts fruits, veggies, and other things you would find on your regular Latin kitchen - hence its use for the kitchen and/or dining room alone. Around the painting there is stone called talavera which is also very traditional.

Ok, so I started with the painting because for me it symbolizes my cultural home, and home means so many things such as food, music, people, landscape and language. I have been thinking about this topic for quite some time as Alex keeps getting older and starts showing a deeper understanding of language. Although his vocabulary now consists of dada, baba, daddy, papa, and the occasional well-received mama I know he's storing in his little brain both languages: Spanish and English.  He understands both, it's quite interesting to see how he responds to each language and confirm that he knows what you're saying, for the most part, he just can't answer back with a sentence because he certainly answers back with some attempt at words and facial expressions. I mean just 2 days ago he started clapping out of nowhere and now whenever I say "aplaude" he instantly does it - with a big smile may I add.

As he keeps getting older I cannot express how important it is to me that he feels connected to his heritage. Most people think that because I'm at home with him all day speaking Spanish he will not be able to understand let alone speak English. It couldn't be further from the truth. Everything around him is in English and he will grow up here so whether he will speak English and understand American culture is a no brainer....of course he will! But whether he will speak Spanish and understand and relate to Mexican culture...well that will really depend on our efforts. Recently I purchased a book called Bilingual is better which gives research, history, and many many tips on helping mothers just like me raise their children as not only bilingual but also bicultural. I truly believe being both will enrich Alex's life and help him have a deeper appreciation for who he is and open doors for him.

I believe in the value of culture. There is a big gap between my older siblings and myself. So ever since I can remember my family has been multicultural. My oldest sister was already dating my Canadian brother-in-law when I was only 4 or 5. So I remember growing up listening to English frequently, and interacting with him. In fact, I can't remember a time of my life not knowing him. Then when I was almost 6 we moved to Sao Paulo Brasil. I learned Portuguese, and learned to know and love the culture which despite being called Latin as mine own, it's very much different. My mom tells me how she vividly remembers me singing the National Brasilian Anthem with my hand on my heart like a genuine Brasilian! I remember crying when we left and now I can only watch certain movies such as the Lion King and Pocahontas in Portuguese because I have never seen them in any other language. I have been asked if I had an identity crisis. Not at all! On the contrary! I was able to enrich my well-founded personality with aspects of the culture that resonated with me such as adding samba to my dancing repertoire.

From my experience you can love and identify yourself with more than just one culture. I want Alex to be enriched by the opportunity of having different cultures in his life just like mine was. It hasn't been easy as it is a struggle to find books that are correctly translated, toys that have both modalities of spanish and english and so forth. But for now I'm very pleased that he responds to me and the songs from Cri-Cri (the Mexican Walt Disney) that I sing to him every day! I know there will come a time when I will hear those dreaded words from his mouth: I don't want to speak Spanish! But I know that I will take a deep breath and continue to be consistent....because after all the benefits are not just for him but for generations to come.

PS. For those reading and want more info this website is amazing!   http://spanglishbaby.com/

Mexico Lindo

So it's been like FOREVER.....Things have been busy with the Holidays and all, but now we're back and hopefully we'll be able to get back to the routine. This year we were fortunate enough to be able to travel to Mexico City for Christmas and meet my entire family. It had been around 4 years since all of us had been together because of missions and then my pregnant self couldn't travel last year. It was an amazing experience having all of us there, and it was even more special because it was Alex's first Christmas! Of course, he had no idea what was going on but he really enjoyed his presents :) So here's a bit of a summary. The day after we got there being Christmas Eve we went to this AMAZING Mexican restaurant called Villa Maria. We had the most scrumptious tortilla soup along with some other Mexican dishes. First taste of home = delicious food.

Even though we were exhausted we really enjoyed it. Even Alex enjoyed eating with some Mariachis playing some music for us!

Then Christmas celebration started. Since it is only natural that my family starts thing well...sort of .....late....Alex had gone to sleep since he was so sleep deprived from the day before - we didn't get home until 10:30pm. Brian and I got all dressed up and were ready to eat some more delicious food and exchange gifts. Our FHE was really good in us portraying the very first Christmas, the birth of our Savior, while reading some scriptures and singing hymns, we even did the very traditional Posada song. It was very flattering that they picked us to be Mary and Joseph haha. The celebration lasted until about 2am in the morning.

Let the celebration begin!

We recovered the next day and just stayed home playing board games and such. The very next day we were up and ready to head to the Zoo! One of the few zoos in the world to have Panda bears. One of the best parts is that the zoo is completely free! Talk about awesome! Alex had a good time just looking around on his stroller, such a good sport!

We had the special opportunity to attend a Christmas show by the  Mexican Folklore National Dance team. It was quite the show, right outside the Castillo de Chapultepec. It was one of those distinct times when my blood boils with pride over our traditions and customs. Like I said that same day Mexico lindo como tu no hay dos (Beautiful Mexico there is no other like you).

Yes, to have an accurate portrayal of the Manger scene they had real animals on the set. I had to take a picture with the cow haha

The day after we headed to Xochimilco - we only took video, I totally forgot to take pics! Anyway, floating trajineras! Awesome! It was pretty warm which made me regret wearing a long sleeve shirt. Afterwards we had dinner at El Candelero another fantastic Mexican restaurant. Alex had his first try of my fish and LOVED IT!

That night after we put Alex to sleep we met with two of my best friends at Garabatos in Santa Fe mall. It was great seeing good friends and have them finally meet Brian.

 Whew almost done with the super short summary of our Christmas trip. On Saturday we headed to San Jacinto a folksy place where artists go to sell their paintings. Brian and I ended up getting one for our kitchen a very traditional bodegon with some talavera on the sides - will have to take a pic of it later. That night we went and saw Life of Pi at the VIP theathers, which consist of nothing less than a full reclining chair, along with a waiter to bring you water and food of your choice, and a little table on the side with a blanket to watch your movie. Now that is the way all movies should be watched! And here's the best news it's the same price for the normal theaters here, yep $8 bucks, now you know why I have a hard time paying for that when I'm only getting a hard chair, no food, no waiter and no blanket!

New Year's Eve day! We had lunch at Giornale in Arcos Bosques, very close to where my parents live. Alex did not want to stay on his high chair and wanted to look around. It's a pretty cool mall so I can't blame him.

When we came back my family organized a little celebration for our Alex since most of them won't be able to attend his 1 year birthday party in 2 weeks. My mom got him some delicious cake, and my siblings decorated the room for him. Aww thank you guys! He LOVED the cake and wanted more but it was almost bedtime and I didn't want him hyper from so much sugar...so it'll have to wait little one!

After he went to bed and my cousins came over the New Year's celebration began with over 50 tamales, atole, and plenty of laughter. We had FHE and played many games - none of which I won but I had SOOO much fun! My siblings got the men some fancy hats and some tiaras for the ladies, we received 2013 with our traditional grape contest and with FELIZ ANO annnouncements and hugs! And after many months of not dancing my brother and I danced some salsa, and merengue. I love our traditions!

 The next day we did nothing haha We needed to recover from going to bed so late the night before and we needed to pack to leave the following day. While I was packing and Brian was watching Alex I went into the room and found him walking across the room on the brand new walker Santa brought him! He looked so cute! I know, walking unassisted is right around the corner!

It was a fantastic trip! I adore my country, the smells, the flavors, the people...but most of all I love my entire family together! It just reaffirmed that although we all might be far away the heart is close to those we love the most. I loved Alex getting to participate in the festivities and bonding with my family. This little one is my sunshine! He'll be one in 2 weeks, and I can hardly believe it. Here's to another year with this handsome little boy!