My problem with Happily ever after

A few days ago I read this article about marriage that made me think about Disney movies haha...Yep in particular about my favorite Disney movie Pocahontas...but more on that later. One paragraph in the article said this:

"I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life—that somehow it’s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. In this light, contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow.
When we’re willing to see it this way, then the points of friction in our marriages quickly become gifts that consistently invite us into a more whole and fulfilling experience of life."

I suddenly understood why I struggle everytime a Disney movie ends, they always end right at their wedding....and I'm left feeling like, they're missing the best part, the actual real part, the marriage!! (No wonder most of us feel cheated when we don't feel happy all the time in our marriage, but there's  no cheating just reality). So enters Pocahontas, I've always had a love/hate relationship with it. I hate the fact that she didn't go with John Smith but at the same time I love it. I love the fact that it feels more real,  and that her happily ever after looked well different, and that for once finding the right person is not the end of the story. Don't misunderstand me I deeply believe in happiness in marriage, I mean I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist haha.....self-evident I believe. But lately I have seen a ridiculous amount of patients who come after only a few months of marriage unhappy and dissatisfied. I seriously wonder what would happen if  people went into the marriage with the full expectation that it is going to be hard, and yes some days you won't be happy (because let's face it our pride sometimes trumps our love for our spouse) but that in the end true joy can be experienced, I wonder if they would even show up in my office at all. My guess is probably no, at least not because of that problem.

When I married Brian I think I had seen him in every way possible (another reason why I'm a big proponent of longer dating periods), and although I knew marriage was hard, I believe there came a point in our marriage when knowing was not enough I had to choose to love this imperfect person who is choosing to love imperfect me. You see Disney movies never show that moment, that moment when you choose to love when it is precisely hard to do so. Some of them just show the process of finding the person, which in my personal opinion is really not that hard as when you actually find it....that's when the real growth begins.

I love my dear husband, I love to be romantic with him, I love to laugh, to play like a kid, to cuddle, to be flirtatious and all of the other wonderful things that only happen with your best friend. But I'm more than convinced that none of those things would be as sweet and sacred to me if we didn't have the times when I have felt hurt, or when I have hurt him, when I refused to speak, or when we both have cried together.

So here's my proposition: make a Disney movie that starts after the honeymoon! And that might just help the upcoming generation understand how beautiful but hard it is to love someone and have that someone love you back.