Post-pregnancy body: a vulnerable post

First of all I want to present the disclaimer that although most of my posts are very personal in nature, this one is particularly so because it presents a vulnerable side of me, so bear with me:) I was talking to Brian last night about different things, and in the middle of the conversation he said a couple of things that were quite the shock for me. As we were talking on how I felt about myself, Brian told me that perhaps I was struggling with some confidence specially because of the comments you make about your body such as "my body will never look the same," or "I don't like this or that," "it used to look like this" among many other statements. That comment hit me like a ton of bricks because the truth is, first I hadn't even realized that I made such comments, and second I knew he was right. It is at time like those that I feel SO grateful for a husband who loves me enough to tell me the painful truth, because to be honest I'm so incredibly stubborn that most of the time the painful truth is the only thing that will help me change, and he knows it. He said it very calmly and with so much tenderness that I couldn't help but remain silent as I felt the weight of his words. I wouldn't say never, but I can definitely say that it had been a while since I felt that I had struggled with confidence issues. Not to be arrogant but I find myself a fairly confident person. Like any woman there were always things I didn't particularly love about my body but I felt very content and satisfied before I got pregnant. Once I found out I was expecting Alex I decided that I was going to have a fit pregnancy, I wanted to stay healthy. I believe I managed to do so as I was working out 4-5 days a week doing Pilates and yoga. I didn't know then that even when you maintain a fit pregnancy the first time you look in the mirror after your little one is born is going to be a painful experience, and it was. I remember that day clearly, the nurse asked me to get up because I needed to start moving around to make my healing from the c-section faster. I headed to the restroom and there a got the first glimpse of my post-pregnancy body. SHOCK is what best describes how I felt. My slim and toned body was gone, I had seriously wondered if I would ever look the same. I started losing some of that extra weight and mostly water retention within the first weeks, but it was still hard when I came home and still needed to wear my maternity pants because none of my old ones fit. As soon as I got the ok from my doctor I started exercising once more, not only for my body but for my sanity as well as a new mother. Now, five months after Alex was born I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight but still struggling. Why? Well the painful truth is, yes my body has changed, I know it because it doesn't feel the same, how can it? It managed to expand to fit an almost 8lb baby! And now it continues to change to give him the best nutrition as I continue to nurse him. Yes my body has changed, and it's nothing short of a miracle of the things it can do. My body has given life, and continues to do so while producing a kind of milk that not even the most capable of engineers can reproduce. Yes, my body has changed as it now bears the marks of a girl who became a mother and was willing to transform her body to do so. Yes, my body has changed as it now feels more powerful and resilient after being able to create and nourish life for almost 10 months. Yes, my body has changed I'm not a supermodel but I'm a woman, a wife, and a mother. I will continue to stay fit, stay healthy, but will never allow myself to lose the confidence I once had because I feel that my body will never be the same...because it won't. Yes, my body has changed and I'm proud of it!