Are you still there mommy?

Warm weather has a way of keeping you pretty busy, so I haven't been writing on my blog as of late. But anyway, life is good! Life is busy and we all keep growing. I'm really looking forward to this summer and getting Alex some swimming lessons along with some fun at the beach and the pool. Alex has officially arrived toddler land - sigh. I often wonder how much frustration can fit into such a tiny body. He's beyond determined and spirited when he wants something and will not take no for an answer unless physically removed from the situation, and even then he fights me. Joys of parenthood right? But truly, it has been a teaching experience for me as I'm learning to shape his character and how soothe him and help him self-soothe. But then he smiles and who can resist it?

I have really been enjoying the weather as I have been able to place Alex on my BOB stroller and just go jogging. He loves it! Usually he'll just sit back and enjoy the view. I never hear a word from him, as he'll usually turn back almost to check that I'm still there, smile and then turn around. Yesterday he did something different. I was getting close to finishing up when I heard him mumble something but almost like a question, he didn't turn around, he just mumbled. I was running so talking is not the easiest, but it felt to me that that was his way of making sure I was still there. It almost felt like he was asking: are you still there mommy? So of course I responded that I was still there. It was an endearing moment in knowing that it's still so important for him to know I'm there. And I won't lie it felt good to know that even though he keeps growing and getting so independent, that in small meaningful ways he still needs me to feel safe. These feeling came because of a poem I read not long ago that brought me to tears:

"A wish for my children"

On this doorstep I stand

year after year

to watch you going

and think: May you not

skin your knees. May you

not catch your fingers

in car doors. May

your hearts not break.

May tide and weather

wait for your coming

and may you grow strong

to break

all webs of my weaving.

These words struck a cord with me because it felt bittersweet the acceptance of this mother that we so carefully weave all of these things for them to finally break them. Alex has already broken many of mine, and he will continue to do so as he continues to grow, learn, and become more independent. That is why that little mumble meant the world to me, some things never change. The comfort of knowing that mom is still there is forever a need. It's nice to know I can help someone feel safe, and it feels even sweeter that that someone is my own little boy.