No I'm not American, but I remember

So obviously this topic has been on people's minds, and we hear a lot about what people were doing, what they felt, and how it has affected them. Let me be clear, no I'm not American, I'm proudly Mexican but that's probably the reason why I wanted to write it because you don't often get the perspective of those who weren't even in the country, but just because I wasn't there doesn't mean it didn't mean something, it doesn't mean that I don't remember.

So yes, I do remember, I was fourteen and I was sitting in the classroom trying to pay attention. A friend has somehow sneaked a little radio and was listening to some kind of game with his headphones when the game stopped to announce what was happening in NYC. He stopped the teacher and communicated the news to us. Up until that point I had never been to NYC or seen the Twin Towers in person, but I knew what they were and what this meant. I remember that class was stopped, as we tried to make sense of what was happening. For the rest of the day most classes revolved around the tragedy, even though teachers tried to carry out a lesson, it seems that no one could talk about anything else. I remember going home to find my mom watching the news, horrified. Back home we're used to a certain amount of violence, the news are covered with kidnapping, assault, murder etc. But never have we ever been a target in this magnitude, so it was confusing, I remember feeling confused. I couldn't figure out why anyone would do this, you see back home you're never really taught that some countries literally hate the US, so I knew this wasn't just any act of violence this was something else, but in my fourteen year old mind I didn't know what it was.

The next day everyone was still talking about it. I remember some of friends trying to diffuse the horror with some humor, as back home the most popular video that the news played was one of a man looking back startled at the noise of the first plane hitting the North tower, they were commenting that his face was humorous. I didn't find it funny but I also didn't know what to feel, and now that I'm older and understand human behavior better, I can only imagine that they were trying to not think of all the death and suffering and instead focus on this one man's face, that way trying to make it easier to swallow. I don't remember thinking much about this as the weeks went by, people seem to get over it and move on. I was around fourteen in the picture below.

I started thinking about it again on my Senior year of high-school when my sister told me we were going to NYC during the Summer as graduation present. I was very happy as I had never been to NYC, and wanted to know the "magic" that a lot of people talk about. It did not disappoint - despite the heavy rain we got - and I found myself enjoying the different aspects of such a busy city. One of the days I asked to go to Ground Zero. Once we got there, I remember my sister and I fell silent. There was nothing there but one big hole and a cross made of wood. I looked around and noticed that most people weren't even talking, it was as if this place was a place of silence, of respect, of meditation, almost sacred. I don't know how to explain it, but I started feeling like someone had punched me in the stomach...and suddenly I felt an urgent need to cry. We just stood there in silence, and I felt sincere sadness for all of the people that were affected even though I never met any of them and we don't even share the same country of origin. That feeling persisted, specially the next day when our ferry was delayed for a couple of hours because there has been the suspicion of an attack. I remember feeling scared, and thinking that life was probably scary everyday for these people, home was no longer safe; once more I felt that feeling in my gut.

Going to NYC was such a good experience, I loved so many things about it! But at the same time I will never forget what I felt, and the fact that not even walking in the streets in Mexico City had I ever felt so unsafe. So no I'm not American, but I remember where I was, I remember how I felt and how it impacted me, and no I will also not forget.