When the "right" way is not working: Lessons from a toy

This morning Alex was playing as he usually does, this time he started playing with a little ball that has holes to different shapes. He has made the connection that certain shapes go into certain holes, so this time he was trying to get the triangle out from the way it usually goes in. He can totally fir his hand in there but he cannot get the triangle out unless he lets go and takes it out by the bigger hole on the back. Well Alex being Alex he decided he wanted to take it out the "right" way, meaning through the right hole. He was getting pretty frustrated, until he finally gave up and took it out from behind and there he went happy as ever.

Not from this morning, but the toy I'm talking about

Looking at him going through this experience, I realized that it was like watching myself in so many ways (talk about a parenting mirror eh?) I realized that there are many times when I think/believe there is a right way to be a mom, of doing things, and foolishly I persist in trying those things when it's clearly not working. Really when all I had to do was open the hole from the back so-to-speak. I'm doing better, I think haha. I have come to realize that having too much information is a double-edge sword. When you use it with flexibility it's a great asset, but when you cling to it and forget to realize that your son is a human - with all of the implications of what that means- it's really not that fantastic, in fact, it's quite frustrating because things are not going by the book. As Alex continues to grow, I marvel more at his uniqueness, and what it truly means to do things the right way, which is doing what is best depending on the day, his mood, my mood, circumstances etc. It works out so much better and I don't feel frustrated but am able to enjoy him more and his own humanness - which is by the way adorable.

Life as of late

I've been finding myself rather busy lately and forgetting about my blog, but I thought I would write something easy going and just an update of things of late. I'm like a month late reporting these things but oh well better late than ever. I'll start with the little getaway Brian and I had for my birthday the end of March, we went to Vegas!!! This was really fun and interesting since it was the first time that I was away from Alex for an extended amount of time, Alex was safe with grandma though. The day we got to Vegas we took a fabulous nap and then got ready to have an AMAZING dinner at Lawry's, such good food!!

It was great to dress up and just enjoy some time really savoring the food! As all of you moms know that is really not possible when you're more focused on feeding your child haha so anyway it was a great start of my birthday celebration!

The next day was really good! My amazing husband made an appointment for me to get pampered at the hotel. I got nothing less than being at the jacuzzi, full body exfoliation, a facial, a massage, and a hair treatment and afterwards a shower scented with coconut/melon aromas. I was in heaven!! It was really just what I needed, and felt so incredibly relaxed.

After those hours of absolute heaven bliss it was time to rejoin my award-winning hubby and get ready to go see Def Leppard one more time! Yep we're huge fans! So we walked until we got to the wax museum to kill some time before we went to the Hard Rock. I have to say it was a lot of fun but also creepy those things look so incredibly real! I thought they would talk to me at any second! So here we are sporting our Def Leppard shirts.

Afterwards we headed to the concert which was amazing as usual! It could have been better but we had the misfortune of sitting right behind these four men who looked in their 40s but behaving like they were 15 (prob because of extra alcohol)!! But all in all it was an amazing concert and we had a great time of 2+ hours of Def Leppard goodness!!

I will have to say that although I missed Alex terribly a getaway such as this was soo good for us individually and for our marriage. It's a good reminder to focus on each other and replenish our energies to go back to the daily routine and with our beautiful boy, who btw gave us the biggest smile as soon as he saw us, melted my heart.

Alex is doing great, I swear that I say that each stage is my favorite but then the next one comes and I love it even more. He's in such a fun stage, he gives hugs and kisses, he sticks out his tongue and laughs hysterically, he's even learned to stomp his feet on the ground like he's dancing some kind of flamenco beat it's adorable! We feel incredibly blessed to have him for our son, and the many things that we continue to learn and experience because of him. We love you little one!

This Thursday Brian and I will be celebrating 4 years of marriage! It went by super fast, and I will be forever grateful that I made the best decision of my life in marrying him. Here's to a great anniversary celebration!

Superman = Husband with sax

Yesterday was one of those days...I woke up with a headache which usually means I'm not nearly as patient as I can be, Alex woke up on the wrong side of the bed as he was just complaining about everything under the sky, Brian had a long demanding day at work so needless to say we were all trying to keep it all together by dinner time. Usually Alex will make this face while I'm feeding him, with some distractions needed, but overall this face makes feeding time so much easier.

Instead I got this face:

He has gotten into the habit of pushing stuff away when he doesn't want it. I was trying to feed him some soup and he had tried several times to push the bowl away from my hands. I tried offering him some other options, he just flat out didn't want to eat. I tried the soup again, and then bam he pushed it just a bit stronger to point that most of it fell on my lap, and the floor. I felt it, that visceral feeling we moms can get, when all sympathy and empathy disappear and you just want to either punch a pillow or scream at the top of your lungs, or both. I didn't do either, I just ran upstairs to get changed and said a quick prayer because I so wanted to stay calm and not strangle my child! I came back downstairs to find Brian on his knees cleaning up the mess on the floor, and immediately he went and got his sax. With the stress we both were feeling, having some music was like healing balm to my soul, especially because well he's amazingly talented! It didn't fix the problem, it didn't change the situation, but it did change my attitude. Alex ended up eating something else, while looking intently at daddy playing his sax, it helped to change his mood a bit as well.

For me this was heroic, superhero heroic haha because he was also tired and stressed from his job, and yet he found a way to help the environment in our home with his talent. I'm so grateful for this wonderful man!

My mother-in-law took this picture of Alex....One day he will be superman like his daddy, with his sax!

Sometimes you just have to wait

A 14 month old toddler can mean many things but one remains universal: mess! Alex loves to play and have fun and you know perfectly well when he has been in a room because it looks as if a tornado just passed by leaving everything on the floor in pure randomness - especially now that he's pretty much running!

I have come to accept this, and clean up after he gets some quiet time on his play pen. Like I said, I usually don't have a problem with this. However, he's developed a certain fascination/habit with taking all of the books down and throwing them on the floor - yes literally throwing them on the floor I think he likes the noise it makes. You know how I feel about books, and these are my books, so I'm especially protective of them and after one got almost torn I said to myself that I was going to endure the endless task of teaching him to not touch the books. Yesterday, I was particularly tired after a not so great night of sleep, so my usual determined self was only partially present. After telling him no several times and having some meltdowns I gave up and said fine! Play with the books. After an acceptance of defeat, I started noticing something that absolutely melted my heart. He had taken most of the books down and done his usual routine when I noticed he was picking them one by one and trying to organize them back on the bookshelf. I almost started crying over this tender moment, and noticed that had I continued on my determined mission I would have never seen this. It dawned on me that the many many times I have sang to him the "clean-up" song while trying to teach him to put stuff away was actually something he remembered and was trying to emulate. I just grabbed him and gave him a strong hug while kissing him on the cheek just grateful for him, and who he is. Obviously he wasn't able to put the books the way they were but this is the result of his attempt:

 

I realized one simple truth: sometimes you just have to wait. Good things in life take time much like a planted garden. I have decided that I will wait on him more, and try push things on my own time table less, much less - which is ironic because he just decided to change his nap time and I'm dreading every minute of it! He's learning, he observes, he changes and just when I was having a more difficult day he comes around and teaches me, yes once more, because sometimes you just have to wait.

Some extra pics from last Easter Sunday, he hates the grass but for some egg hunting he made an exception hehe I couldn't get over how cute he looked on his new outfit and big boy shoes!

Just sit with it

It is human nature to try to avoid pain, suffering and any other uncomfortable emotion....at all costs. Sometimes the very thing we're trying to avoid gets worse because we keep obsessing about it - try not to be anxious while thinking about it can only increase more anxiousness. Sometimes the way we "deal" with it turns out problematic like overeating, or addictions here and there. Regardless of the way, most people just hate feeling yucky, and having people you love feel yucky. I'm no exception. For the most part, most moms will do anything to keep their child from crying. It's like someone pushes the panic button and a mom will move light speed with different distractions until the child is smiling again. Pretty exhausting I would say.

I frequently find the irony in what I know is the right response, what I usually tell my clients to do, and what I actually do. You see I will usually tell my clients to simply "sit" with the emotion, no amount of anxiousness, anger, or sadness has ever killed anyone...although it can certainly feel like it. Instead of immediately running away from the emotion I ask them to embrace it, get acquainted with it, because only then can you deal with it appropriately. Easier said than done. Lately, I have decided to sit with it a lot more when it comes to my role as a mom. Especially during those days when Alex complains about everything under the sun. I find it that if I simply sit with it - frustration, exhaustion, annoyance etc. - the emotion goes away much quicker and I find myself with a clearer head to deal with the situation.

Sounds masochistic but it really isn't. Sitting with an unpleasant emotion and acknowledging that like any other emotion it will eventually go away is a very liberating feeling. You're not running away anymore you're facing it headstrong. I have found that sitting with it also applies with the good emotions. The busyness of life sometimes doesn't even allow for us to soak on good  moments...so we're literally always running towards something or away from it. Next time you find yourself feeling good or witnessing something splendid sit with it, embrace it, let it soak. Next time you find yourself feeling yucky sit with it, embrace it, let it soak.

Through his eyes

Last week we got out first taste of Spring here in Utah, it was wonderful! The sun was out and I decided it was time to take Alex to the park since he is so fond of walking and trying new things. We started with the swings, and at first Alex was looking right at me all smiles and enjoying the new sensation of going up and down.

Then this cute girl - albeit older than him - got on the swing right next to him. Needless to say it was impossible to catch his attention enough to get a decent picture. One of many experiences in which the flirt in him defeats his fascination with mommy.

 Once he was done with the swings I simply let him walk around the grass. It was a warm day but it was windy, and usually I don't like wind, but this time it was different. Alex was running around stopping to see the grass, and the leaves...he would analyze each thing meticulously with his tiny fingers (try to eat some of it and then realizing it doesn't taste good), smile back at me and continue running. As we was doing all of this I was just looking at his hair moved by the wind and I couldn't help but see things through his eyes. Everything is new, everything is exciting, everything is beautiful. So I stopped to notice things more.

I noticed that the grass wasn't fully green yet because of the Winter that we're slowly leaving behind, the leaves were brown but most has kept their beautiful shapes, the grass wasn't wet which made it easier for us to roll on the grass without fear of getting wet, the mountains on the background are starting to show signs of green with still some snow on the top, and although the smell of summer is still not there you can sense it approaching. I stopped to notice all of these things, and then I took this picture.

Look at that hair! I was thinking that while all of God's creations were indeed beautiful, and it took my little boy's demeanor to make me stop and notice...no creation is more beautiful than him. I couldn't help but have a sense of awe and wonder watching him run around with that beautiful hair, with his arms on his side for balance and that smile that can melt anybody's heart. My son is my most beautiful creation. I'm reminded of that everyday, and my only hope is that one day he will see himself through my eyes as he constantly teaches me to experience the world through his.

Parenting: A mirror

Some people love mirrors and some absolutely hate them. As for me, I find them interesting and sometimes captivating, not necessarily because of my reflection but because I'm seeing what other people see. I truly believe that one of the main reasons we are social beings is because through our relationships with others we learn more about ourselves, we see bits and pieces of who we are...just like mirrors. If I have to be completely honest the first big mirror in my life was Brian, not because my own family wasn't a mirror but because I actually stopped and looked at the reflection with him. I learned so much about myself first through our dating years and now through our marriage and becoming parents. I believe marriage was a warm up for the new experience of having the mirror with you all of the time. Yep, I'm talking about my little boy. You see we are not with our spouse all of the time, but that is soo not the case with children. I saw a joke on facebook that said something like "you can't hide they will find you" while showing a little hand underneath the door while mommy was trying to go to the bathroom! Hilarious and true! We spend literally all day with our little ones, with the exception of naps! And while most of the time we laugh and just go crazy over how cute and funny they are, sometimes well we're going crazy because they are not!

My point with this is this: during both funny and driving crazy periods Alex has been a mirror of my qualities. Let me explain, I had always known I was slightly - or a lot - OCD but I hadn't realized just how much until he made his first mess with the ultimate stain veggie of beets and I had to willingly restrain myself from cleaning everything with Clorox!

I knew patience was not my virtue, but I didn't know just how impatient I was until Alex first started eating table foods and it would take him 5 minutes to chew a little piece of bread!

And so many more things that left me feeling like I really needed to work on so many things. Nevertheless, the opposite is also true - which can be harder to see but are nonetheless as true as our flaws. I knew I was a hardworker but not so much until I found myself working nonstop to make Alex his own pureed baby food day after day.

I knew I was loving but I didn't feel it as much as when he first fell asleep on my shoulder as a newborn.

I knew I was persistent and determined but I didn't know how much until Alex started crying nonstop before nursing because he had what was a milk allergy that I didn't know about, but I persisted until I figured it out and managed to nurse him for over a year.

Parenting is a big mirror we see our flaws but we also see our virtues. Alex has shown me that I really need to work on my patience, but he has also shown me how much of a caring determined mom I can be. For all of these things, my Alex mirror has become special even cherished because if I want to know where I am, I don't have to take a test, I just have to look at him.